For a more transcendent experience, I invite you to listen to this YouTube video in a separate tab while reading; and, grab yourself a cup of hot chocolate while you're at it. And, be at peace.
As I sit here on the floor of my living room taking care of this overworked and under-cared-for body of mine, I see my mother's feet. My first reaction is to resist this observation with none other than panic: "Whoa. Noooo. I'm not my mom. I don't want to be my mom. I don't want my mom's feet. I want MY feet. Oh boy. What do I do with this? Breathe. Breathe." This panic quickly fades into a wisdom that fills me with the inner calm and warmth of understanding. This is when I am reminded that these feet have carried me through this life just as my mother's feet carried her through hers. I marvel at how often our lives paralleled one another's as we navigated our individual, yet shared, journeys as two souls who chose to be together in this lifetime as mother and daughter, to learn and grow with one another in a world that is not for the faint of heart. My mother died without knowing who she was or what she wanted. She didn't know her power, her divinity or her freedom because she did not know how to break free from her pain and suffering. When I reflect on my mother's life, I see the beauty that she brought to this planet, and to my learning, despite her pain. This beauty was in her simply...being. My mother was a kind woman despite her hardships in surviving childhood issues, abuse, domestic violence, depression, breast cancer and poverty. It was standing room only at her funeral. Even in her browned-over flower gardens in her back yard as fall and winter settled in, my mother's beauty was witnessed.
Unlike my mother, I embarked on my journey into emotional healing to break free from the pain and suffering from generations and lifetimes of abuse, violence, depression, poverty and cancer. It is from this work that I now walk in the beauty of being.
If my mom were here, this is what I would tell her: "Mom, you did the best you could with what you had. You are a perfect soul having lived a perfect life. I may not have liked you when I was younger but you taught me 'the' single most important lesson, and the 'only' lesson I or anyone ever needs to know: just....be. I miss you so. Life has been very painful and difficult since you left, and I've wanted to talk with you a million times and needed you to hold me even more. Now that the darkness has lifted, I walk in the beauty that has always been here and always will be. And, I see you. I feel you. I know you. My tears are not tears of sorrow or grief but of pure love as our souls unite and we are one. I love you. I am you."